I was doing some spring email cleaning, when I noticed my demographic must be on the cusp of mid-life crisis #2, and hovering around toxic levels of my body in decline.
Here are my most recent emails:
Viagra or Cialis Free Trial!
Viagra Free!
Cialis Free!
Enlarge It (because bigger is better)
Hoveround (get your life back)
Anti- Aging Miracle (fountain of youth in a bottle)
Your old Ex wants to reunite~!
Know when your time is up with Death Clock
And...thank God I was recently sent a wink, a hug, a kiss, a tag, a nudge, a pet, and a martini, by people I don't even know on various social networking sites.
Keeps my chin up!!!
Here is a parody of Chubawamba's Tubthumping I wrote while digesting all this!
I get knocked down, but I get up again,
You're never goin' to keep me down,
Kissing the night away
Kissing the night away
He takes a viagra pill
He takes a cialis pill
He take a Sidenafil
He takes a tadalafil
He sings the songs that remind him
of the up times
He sings a song that reminds him of the down times.
or...how bout.......this (original poem of junk mail over-load)
52 junk mails, bought into them all....
Now I'm all better, never am dull~
Got me a Hoveround from the real Tom Kruse,
I still can walk, but what is there to lose?
I go to the mall and run over the walkers,
Never mind those mallrat dwellling gawkers....
I got me Cialis and a supply of Viagra,
Now I'm flowing like the falls of Niagara...
Bought me Enlarge pills and wrinkle cream,
Got me a timeshare (Boise), livin' the dream!
Got me a job...500 dollars a week!
I can stay at home-- maintaining physique!
Got Mother's Day Flowers for under 20 bucks,
Got there today, oh well, that really sucks....
Got a Citizen Grant, so I can take what's mine
Got an Obama plate, auto pen signed!
Got a discount on meds for all the depression,
And bought a foreclosed home, due to recesssion.
Bought some life insurance at premium rates,
Got plenty of Hyundai cash in rebates.
I lowered my blood sugar with one easy click....
Bought Rachel Ray cookware, (love that pick!)
Got some Hydroxycut, mis-took for cookies,
Got a pamphlet called 'Weight Loss for Rookies...'
Bought a Free Google Kit and an Ebay course,
If your life needs an upgrade, consider the source....
Check that junk mail, it's just what you need~
It's meant for your good, so next time..... do read~
