WHACKY HEADLINES

Because of the economy, many females are being lured to fast cash in the stripper industry. As part of his stimulus plan , Barack Obama announced today that some rules will have to be put in place.

1.) A flat tax will be assessed on women who do not have minimum of 32 chest size.

2.) Waist size will be closely monitored to cut down on pork belly spending.

3.) Senior Citizens will be allowed to use their discount cards for 15% off any lap dance.



Henry Winkler has just been question about his alleged involvement in a 'Fonzie' sheme. He was quoted as saying, "Hey, Mr. C....."sorry I 'Made Off' with your hardware." Raplph Malph lost his whoopi cushions, Potsie lost his sweater and Joanie lost Chachi in the mayhem.

Michael Jackson tickets went on sale today. Michael announced because of the recent sale of most of his personal belongings, he will be forced to perform the show nude.
The tour will be called the Nevermind Tour.

Kevin Bacon announced today because of losing money in the Madoff money scam scheme, He will do Footloose 2, The Air Up There 2, Quicksilver 2, and He Said, She Said 2. Because of the surge of Bacon films, the game has announced plans to now become Two Degrees of Kevin Bacon.


Wal-Mart workers will receive 2 billion in bonus checks this year. On a related note, Wal Mart clothing Sweat shop workers in Bangladesh will get bonus increases from a dime an hour up to 15 cents. Also the smiley face guy will get a stimulus check for $1.85. His smile will increase to one centimeter wider in 2009.
iT'S GOOD TO BE WAL-MART~

Fidelity and Unicredit have put together a deal to purchase the fledgling AIG Insurance company from the US Government. The new company will be called FU AIG!

An A an I and a G trivia!

1.) What was the original name of the Pittsburgh Pirates at their original inception in 1887? (A)

2.) What kind of 'delicious' did ads describe Almond Joy and Mounds as? (I)

3.) Peter, Egon, Ray, and Winston, were better known as The_______________? (G)


1.) Allegheny's
2,) Indescribably
3.) Ghostbusters

Dancing With the Inmates

In celebration if Dancing With the Stars just kicking off a brand new season, I thought of a brand new competition for the off-season.....Dancing With the Inmates~


Here is the line -up I would like to see:

OJ Simspon with Cheryl Burke dancing the Jive.,

Michael Vick with Julianne Hough dancing with the Hokey in the Pokey.

Boy Geoge with Mark Ballas dancing the Lap Dance.

Charles Barkley with Kym Johnson dancing the Chest Bump

Madea with Karina Smirnoff dancing the Humpty Hump

Khloe Kardashian and Fabian Sanchez dancing the Pole.

Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer Still Kickin' it?

Orem, Utah recently featured two blends from the past, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer for a one night only event. No, not celebrity boxing~!
They actually did their 'thangs'~ With raps like Pumps and a Bump, Ninja Rap, and their A-list stuff, they were Too Legit to Quit easily bringing down the house in Orem. I have been Dj'ing for many years now, and somehow the cheesy flavors of those rhymes still have people mouthing the words, imitating the dance, and grinding on the floor. I am not amazed by it, actually. Some of those songs had good beats and were just plain fun. A Hammer and Ice esCapades Tour for '09? I don't think it is by no means imminent. But I'll bet it would sell! I would go see it! Wouldn't you?

Here are some other tickets I woulds go see!

Musical Youth and Sonic Youth in the "We're All Grown Tour"

Quiet Riot and Twisted Sister in the "Lost our Minds and then our Hair Tour"

AC/DC and INXS in the "Sorry Our Lead Singer Died Tour"

Milli Vinilli with with The Partridge Family & special guests Ashlee Simpson and Lin Miaoke in the "All-Star Lips Sync Tour"

Kajagoogoo with Wang Chung in the "Everybody Smoke Dope Tonight and Think of Weird Band Name Tour."

The Divinyls and MC Hammer in the "Do I Touch or Not Tour?"

Right Said Fred and Rod Stewart in the "I'm Too Sexy, No I Am Tour"

69 Boyz and Bow Wow Wow in the "Lets Me See Your Tootsie Roll Then Give Me Some Mo' Damn Candy Tour."

Taco and Falco in the "Amadeus Puts on the Ritz Tour"
(yes i know Falco is dead)

Meatloaf and Bread in the "Make Out in the Back Seat Tour"

Los del Rio and Marcia Griffiths in the "Electric Macarena Tour. "


Quick Ice/Hammer Quiz ---- Which one?

1.) Had first rap single to top Billboard Charts?
2.) Did more studio albums?
3.) On Surreal life?
4.) With Death Row Records at one time?
5.) Was in Borat film?

1.) Ice---Ice Ice Baby
2.) Hammer 11 to 7
3.) Both! Ha~
4.) Hammer
5.) Hammer


PEACE OUT!
Word to your mom!

The Day that Baseball Died

Got to thinking with Spring Training right around the corner, am I really going to be the fan I once was? After all, the Phillies won the series!
I watched them all on Comcast. What new admissions will come? What will kids really have to look up to? Where have you gone Joe diMaggio? Thank God he is dead. He would not have liked what has been brewing for years now coming to full boil.

I wrote a little parody of American Pie with baseball at the center....after all, we LOVE baseball, hots dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet, well, at least the pie and dogs still taste good!




A long long time ago
I can still remember
How baseball made me smile
And I knew if I had my way
I could play in the bigs someday....
And maybe would be happy for awhile

Bad news today makes me shiver
With every paper that's deliver....
Bad news in the game of baseball...
Another star takes the big fall

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about all they did hide
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Baseball lied.

So bye bye, its the American lie,
Drove my Hyundai on a Sunday
to the ballpark, oh why?
And big ole boys hittin' deep fly after fly
Sayin', this is what some money can buy
This is what my money can buy....?

Did Jose write the book of wrongs,
While Madonna was singin girly songs,
If the body tells you so....
Do you believe in DiMaggio,
Can past-times cleanse today's sorry soul
And can you teach me how to grow so slow?

Well, I know you saw his rookie card,
when his forearms weren't so very hard...
You know, he kicked off his career
Man, without any remorse or fear....!

I was a die hard teenage Phillies fan
With Bowa, Schmidt, and Yes We Can....
Didn't know a Rose had thorns...OH MAN!
The day that baseball lied.

I started singin....
My oh My, its the American lie...
Drove in ten runs with my guns,
I'm a really strong guy...
I'm a steroid boy, can hit em way bye bye,
Singin' pressure to perform is why
Pressure to perform is why.

Now for ten years we've been big and juiced,
Ruled the record books with a little boost....
(but that's not how it used to be)
When McGwire choked to congress and court
Disputed what was in that Mitchell report....
It was a voice that came from uncertainty...

And while the Commish was looking down,
A-Rod admitted word gets around....
The courtroom is all full now,
The Home Runs are all foul!

And while Jose wrote a Vindicated book,
He was finally left off the proverbial hook.
And players were all now in the dark
The day that baseball lied.

We were singin'
Why? Why? ...it's the American Lie....
Drove my Hyundai on a Sunday
To the ballpark, but cry.....
'Cause big ole boys will be reachin the sky,
But this'll be the day that I'll sigh.....
This'll be the day to ask.... why?

Oh, and there we'll be in one place
A generation, with a blown up face,
With no time left to turn back now
So Miguel be faster, Giambi be thick,
Sammy sure did swing a big corked stick..
'Cause HGH is the players only friend....

Oh, and as I watched from the jam packed stands
With hopeful, dreaming, die hard fans,
No Angels born in hell
Could break that Balco spell...

And as the balls flew out, into the night,
It seems baseball has lost its plight
I saw Conte laughing with delight
the Day that baseball lied.

I met a guy who told the truths
Said life's just a game of bad sad news,
And I just smiled, and turned away
And I walked down to Ashburn alley,
The Phillies were in a ninth big rally,
And I just began to pray.

And in the stands, the fans did cheer,
Booed sometimes, and drank some beer
But not a word was spoken
About baseball being broken....
And the three men I trusted most....
Have faded away like a tainted ghost
No longer numbers to boast....
The day that baseball lied.

They were singin'.....
My, My its the American Lie,
Hit the ball out of the park,
I'm your hero, your guy....
We're big ole boys,
We're what money can buy,
Singin.....
when will come the day when games die?

Predictions for 2009!!!!!!

I had a dream!!!!!!! (well, sort of a dream)



Here are MY predictions for 2009 and (beyond).......



TO's new reality show will fall in ratings when Tony Romo inks a contract to star in a series opposite TO. With Jessica Simpson as co-star, the series will features the Cowboys going 0-16 with Simpson in the booth and Jones on the sidelines. TO demands to be traded, and is thrown to the Lions. TO commits suicide in week one.



OJ will find Jesus in Jail, and will pen a new book, OK, I Did It!!!!!
(Now Can I Just Have My Stuff Back???)



Oprah will lose an incredible 75 pounds on a new Dr. Oz diet.....
Called the 'Munchkin diet'.....she will eat nothing but those little donut holes for a year. I do see her getting a yeast infection though, as she will be briefly hospitalized. Shortly after, with a glazed look, she will tell her audience that she is leaving Stedman for Dr. Oz. Oz will publish a best seller called "How Oz Gave Oprah her first real 'O.'"

Dr. Drew will find himself in Celebrity Rehab after he comes clean admitting a two year love affair with Adam Carolla, and a one night stand he had with Dr. Ruth on her 80th birthday.



Rush Limbaugh will convert to liberalism, open his fridge, and feed the world. Finally, no Bush, no Rush, as the world has a Hush fall upon it.



Katie Couric will go back to the Today Show and put cute back on her resume.

A legless woman will appear on The View as an advocate for woman who step on each others toes unmercifully.

The Dali Lama will pass away. Calling it his Final Analysis, Richard Gere will become his replacement. However the stay in exile will be short lived when he is photographed kissing and dipping Lucy Liu in his Buddha bungalow.

A cure for Mad Cow Disease will be found~! Doctors claim that by drinking brown cow milk, the disease disappears. Unfortunately, it causes a side effect called happy horse s**t syndrome.

The Dow-Jones hits a new LOW~ In a daring move, execs at NBC
bring back Tony Dow (Beaver's Brother) and Shirley Jones (Partridge)to star in a new reality series. Its called 'Leave It to a Partridge' and a Beaver. In episode one, Danny wants Beav to do meth and go cruising for men in drag. Beav opts for a soda. Danny is a jerk. Ward points the finger at Danny. Danny gives the finger two Ward. June makes dinner. All is better.

President Obama will have Guantaamno Bay terrorists coming into American prisons. However, he will send: OJ Simpson, Bernard Madoff, Michael Vick, Ted Haggard, the guy who said he killed JonBenet, Rush Limbaugh, and Screech, all there for some old fashioned toe nail pulling, chalkboard screeching and Barry Manilow listening.

In a tough economy, Paris Hilton will file for bankruptcy. To makes ends meet she will release a new fragrance called "Simply Broke"....
with perfume proceeds benefiting Paris's pradas, purses, pedicures, and pink particulars.

Rod Blagojevich will announce despite his impeachment, he will seek a 2012 run for President with Sen. John Kerry as his running mate.
They will both run under strict Big Hair Reform policies stating: the Dry Look is back. Rod will use in his Victory speech, "Forget the days of Play to Pay.... its now, A Pair for Hair!!!

More predictions later ya'll!!!!

What is up With Chuck E. Cheese? Geeeeez!!!!

What is up with Chuck E. Cheese? Once a family friendly place with a keyboard playing gorilla, whack a mole game, and pizza birthday parties for kids, is now a haven for all out brawls ands bloodbaths. At my local Chuck E. Cheese, at least one man was left bloody after a recent fight.

"The adults were holding their kids and it was terrible!" Karen Rineer said just after the fight.Rineer and her daughter, Nicole, 15, were leaving a birthday party for Rineer's younger daughter when the brawl began."We were standing there and machines almost got knocked over," said Nicole. "The one waitress, she went in and said three guys were coming at her."Rineer said she knew of at least two men involved. "One is all bloody; he's in the bathroom," she said at the scene. "The other guy that got cut is upstairs with the cop."A woman who answered the phone at the Fruitville Pike location and identified herself as a manager said, "Chuck E. Cheese is proud to offer a safe and fun family experience to many people in this area."



Police were called to the Fruitville Pike restaurant at least seven times last year for incidents ranging from fights to a possible attempted abduction, according to newspaper reports.Earlier this month, six people were arrested after a fight at Chuck E. Cheese in Susquehanna Township, near Harrisburg, the Patriot-News reported.The Wall Street Journal recently reported that similar scenes have been unfolding at the chain around the country.



Chuck E. Cheese maybe should go from G or PG to NC-17 or R.



I wrote a little rap, (maybe rapped by Chuck EZ Biggier Cheez)

Down with the dough,
on with the show....
Win a token, lets go blow to blow....
Blow out the candles on your pie....
Better be careful, get a black eye....


Whacked a mole, in the arcade,
Don't be scared, don't be afraid.....
Chuck E. Cheese is the new turf war,
Mr. Munch is my homey on floor.



Don't need no scratch ... just exonumia...
So come on in ...I'll see you soon-ia....
Shut your pie-hole and watch your back...
Chuck E Cheeze is under attack~!




IS CHUCK E. CHEESE SAFE FOR KIDS ANYMORE?????


TRIVIA FUN FACT: The current voice over guy who plays Chuck E. Cheese is Duncan Brannan, also the voice of "I love you, you love me....Barney.

Welcome To My Blog

Check here for lots of trivial tidbits, facts, fun, and frivolity from the lighter side of life! I look forward to sharing thought and opinion with all of you!