Harvey

I saw the play "Harvey" recently. It was staged at my Alma mater Warwick HS. I played Dr. Sanderson my Senior year, and was anxious to see it for the first time since. It was a classic movie from 1950 starring Jimmy Stewart. It features Elwood P. Dowd, who gets thru his days with his beat friend-- a six foot tall invisible rabbit name Harvey. It was well done by Warwick Thespians! Nowadays, the shows at high school level are incredible with their sound, high-tech sets, and bigger budgets!

Some rabbit test trivia~

1.) What was the fitst film that featureed Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse together?
2.) White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane makes references to what tale?
3.) The character of Harry "Rabbit" Angstrom is from what novel?
4.) In 1980, Eddie Rabbitt hit #1 with "I love A..." What?
5.) What rabbit was the first soft toy patented in 1901?


1.) Who Framed Roger Rabbit
2.) Alice In Wonderland
3.) Rabbit Run, by John Updike
4.) Rainy Night
5.) Peter Rabbit
Fun fact!
Spielberg is re-making the classic! It is a rabbit's tail worth re-tellng. However, Stewart is forever etched as the aloof Elwood. He will be hard to replace.

Halloween at Flavers ELVIS in the house~

The 'Beards' Went Wild with Cool Costumes at Flavers~

Random thoughts and odd jobs

Is it just me or does Jason Werth look like the guy in the Geico ads?


Rush Limbaugh buying the Rams? Was going to buy the Blues hockey team, but they have a left wing.

Michael Jackson co - wrote a song in 1983 with Paul Anka called 'This Is It?'
Is this the guy that had hits in the 70's "I don't Like to Sleep Alone", and "You're Havin' My Baby?" Who knew???

I saw some people are receiving "new" lungs from people that have died from smoking.
Good idea. Is this part of the new health care system? "Well, it was the best we could do on such short notice. Next?"

Barbara Streisand is selling a lot of her stuff. Geez, I can't even part with a
pair of converse I bought in 1995.

I don't hate the 8, I just hate Jon and Kate. Please Dear God, make them go away.

I saw a report recently the best paying jobs are anesthesioloist, gynecologist, and a pyschiatrist....Boy, if that doesn't sum up life! We are born into this world to be numbed all over again, while trying to find our way back into the womb... only to have to get a prescription to help deal with the consequences of all that.
No wonder they are in demand!

Ever list what jobs you have had in your life? Here are some of mine:

Bingeman's Restaurant---best one there was when Bingy said "put six gallons of milk on ice, we are catering a party." I dumped the milk in a bucket on top of the ice~! oops!

Worked as a bar boy at Landis Valley Inn...I brought ice to the Bartenders all night. It was during the disco era so I loved the nightlife~

Chicken Lickin'. I dreseed as the proverbial Chicken and waved people in one afternoon. I couldn't cook, so they put me in the suit.
$2.50 an hour not bad.

Piano and organ salesman, I couldn't play, but I sold a few.
(3x I did that)

Armstrong...during college summers, was on the Yard Crew. Managed to spend a whole morning on a riding mower and forgot to put the blades down! oops~

Quality Inn....busboy...once cleared a whole table as they went to salad bar, I didn't realize they were not finished... I was fast~ Even dumped their martinis.

Sweep Left DJ in Lincoln....Now that was cool! Under disco lights, you're name will be seen, you can fulfill all your dreams~!

Misty's House DJ, Nebraska Gamedays were awesome~

Bobbie Jean's DJ in KC They liked two types of music country and western~

Christian Sports Network-- KC. Didn't make any money, but had fun covering Royals games.

Radio Stations KISS FM, KJ-95, WNZT, WAHT, WHP, WLAN, Kids Radio Network, and WSBA. Hosted talk shows, sports, news, sold advertising, (yes I sold AIR!!!)

Temp jobs to include delivering specimens to hospitals, working a pretzel line, and putting stickers on paint tubes.

TRIVIA GUY!!!!!! Quite a journey through towns and sounds, hires and fires, and now down to questions and answers. Life is good. I'm now doing what I want on my terms.

my top 10 list

David Letterman being extorted for 2 million?

My top 10 List of things that make me go hmmmmmm:


10.) Will new evidence point to Dave sleeping with Paul the night his bandleader wrote "It's Raining Men," come out?

9.) Will Madonna now admit she slept with Dave the night she couldn't say the F word enough.

8.) Will Conan get any bright ideas?

7.) Will it be revealed a shih tzu had sex backstage with a poodle during a stupid pet tricks performance? Letterman covering up the birth of the shiht-poo. The puppy Max, now is in hiding in a Max shelter, founded by Max Weinberg.

6.) Will evidence show in paternity tests... Dave knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter?

5.) Will Ball State offer internships to fill World Wide Pants positions anymore?

4.) Did Bud Melman know about this? And is that why he left the show at 81? He was still in his prime!

3.) How late did Dave stay out after a Late Night?

2.) Why did Dave really enjoy those cigars so damn much? (can you say Clinton?)

1.) Did Ed Sullivan ever hav sex with his crew? Really big sheeeeew~

Note: A little known fact: The Beatles had sex with Sullivan's staff after their American debut in 1964. Some staff memebers say there were even some dancing bears in the room.

Some random Letterman trivia:

My Mensa from Sunday night~

Two actresses on Late Nite have called Dave an asshole. One was a witch in 'Witches of Eastwick,' and one was a witch in 'Bewitched' the movie! Name them!



ANSWER: Cher, Shirly MacLaine

Lititz~

I moved back to my hometown in June. Lititz is a quaint town in Lancaster County (pop. 41,554) I live within a fews steps of the square. The General Sutter Inn is just around the corner. General Sutter founded Sacramento, California. He was a resident of Lititz from 1871-1880, and is buried in the Moravian Church cemetery.

I can walk across the street to my bank. Down the street to the post office. My insurance company is across the hall from me. Lititz was founded in 1757 by the Moravians. At one time, you had to be a Moravian to live in Lititz. Now the composition is just white. (97.23%) I took a walk today and observed the history along Main. The Mueller House, a 1792 house offers a glimpse into the Moravian way of life. The Pretzel House, the oldest commercial bakery in the US, and the Wilbur Chocolate factory where Wilbur buds and chocolate sweets permeate thru the town's charm.

I pass by the Linden Hall, 1746, the oldest girls boarding school in the nation. They proudly display a sign proclaiming the "Highest SAT scores in the County."
The gift shops are brimming with antiques, along with trinkets from today. Tourists slowly make their way to each window's eye candy. Cafe chocolat features chocolate dipped strawberries in the window. It is fall and the leaves are starting to drop. Lititz is postcard perfect. Or...is it?

Today the Chief Operating officer of the Ambulance Fund was arrested for embezzling nearly half a million dollars of investments the association had made. He is in jail in lieu of the same amount of money in bail as he stole.

In 2005, a Mayoral candidate and church leader pulled out of the race because of inappropriate relations with a pre-teen.

A Warwick HS teacher was arrested in 2007 in a Blazer for having sex with one of his students. A music teacher and band director, he was part of a HS that had a long proud tradition of marching band. I was a part of that in the 70's and I was sad to hear that. Talk about marching to the sound of a different drummer!

In 2008, an Assistant Band director was arrested. Same tune.

A Warwick basketball coach, not long before those incidences was arrested. Also, Foul on the play. I think it is called crossing the line.

Last year, shot glasses were given out to students at my Warwick HS as prom party favors.


"In my little town
I grew up believ--ing
God keeps his eye on us all
And he used to lean upon me
As I pledged allegiance to the wall
Lord I recall
My little town"

paul simon

Where has my little town gone?

random thoughts on recent stuff~

....I hate golf. Played over the weekend in a scramble. I was busy most the time scrambling in the brush for balls. I lost five balls, a glove, four tees, and my patience for ANY golf etiquette. I did not yell four, because my ball did not come close to hitting anything but the trees. I chose other four letter f words.
My handicap was I had not swung a club in 10 years. A.A. Milne who wrote Winnie the Pooh once wrote: "Golf is so popular, simply because it is the best game in the world to be bad." I was bad. Soooooooooooooo bad!

....I watched some of the VMA's....the MJ tribute for Michael was great featuring Janet. A Jackson concert featuring Janet singing Michael's part would be cool~

....Kanye West's interruption of Taylor Swift moments was still yet another embarrassment for the not so Sharpest tongue in the West. This is the same guy during Katrina that commented that George Bush doesn't care about black people. Well, apparently , Kanye you don't care about 19 year old white country singers. Incidentally, I still have not heard a Kanye song I like. When Jay Leno asked Kanye what his mother would have thought about his Beyonce behavior, I thought he was going to cry like a baby. Way to 'dig' for a 'gold'en question Jay, throw on a lil dead mom guilt, works every time~ ! Even Obama got into the act by calling Kanye a Jackass. You go Obama~!


....I caught a bit of the Oprah interview with Whitney. The 'Stand by Your Man' thing just doesn't cut it with me. This isn't the Patsy Cline era. Patsy sang about 'sometimes it's hard to be a woman' and went down in a tragic plane crash. Whitney crashed and burned on her own, soon after singing 'I'm Every Woman.' She always had good people around her. Eight years ago when crack was whack, the people were there. She chose to hole up with Bobby. She waited with baited breath to inhale daily. She had the 'greatest love of all'... the drugs, and liked it. Looked to me like she had a new set of pearly white teeth too~! (Where do broken teeth go?) When Oprah questioned her about how she took the drugs... she looked at Oprah like "Wat?"... "You don't know? Well lemme explain it....." So hard for me to feel sorry for people that are surrounded by bodyguards, million dollar bank accounts, and choose to feed dealers families. As far as Bobby? She married a man who had kids with other women, was known for not being able to "Cool It Now" (or then) with other women. Did Whitney really think he was a good guy? A good New Edition to her life? He is currently in back child support payments of $45,000 to his array of kids. Gee, where has that child support gone?...To support other selfish habits perhaps? 'Don't Be Cruel' Bobby...you sucked Whitney dry, so grow up and take care of your kids. It's your perogative, but grow up!!!! Get over yourself. You had one #1 song.
You literally stopped a woman from flourishing. Damn Shame.

9/11 and other tragic numbers

Total number killed in attacks (official figure as of 9/5/02): 2,819

•Number of firefighters and paramedics killed: 343

•Number of NYPD officers: 23

•Number of Port Authority police officers: 37

•Number of WTC companies that lost people: 60

•Number of employees who died in Tower One: 1,402

•Number of employees who died in Tower Two: 614

•Number of employees lost at Cantor Fitzgerald: 658

•Number of U.S. troops killed in Operation Enduring Freedom: 22

•Number of nations whose citizens were killed in attacks: 115

•Ratio of men to women who died: 3:1

•Age of the greatest number who died: between 35 and 39

•Bodies found "intact": 289

•Body parts found: 19,858

•Number of families who got no remains: 1,717

•Estimated units of blood donated to the New York Blood Center: 36,000

•Total units of donated blood actually used: 258

•Number of people who lost a spouse or partner in the attacks: 1,609

•Estimated number of children who lost a parent: 3,051

•Percentage of Americans who knew someone hurt or killed in the attacks: 20

•FDNY retirements, January–July 2001: 274

•FDNY retirements, January–July 2002: 661

•Number of firefighters on leave for respiratory problems by January 2002: 300

•Number of funerals attended by Rudy Giuliani in 2001: 200

•Number of FDNY vehicles destroyed: 98

•Tons of debris removed from site: 1,506,124

•Days fires continued to burn after the attack: 99

•Jobs lost in New York owing to the attacks: 146,100

•Days the New York Stock Exchange was closed: 6

•Point drop in the Dow Jones industrial average when the NYSE reopened: 684.81

•Days after 9/11 that the U.S. began bombing Afghanistan: 26

•Total number of hate crimes reported to the Council on American-Islamic Relations nationwide since 9/11: 1,714

•Economic loss to New York in month following the attacks: $105 billion

•Estimated cost of cleanup: $600 million

•Total FEMA money spent on the emergency: $970 million

•Estimated amount donated to 9/11 charities: $1.4 billion

•Estimated amount of insurance paid worldwide related to 9/11: $40.2 billion

•Estimated amount of money needed to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $7.5 billion

•Amount of money recently granted by U.S. government to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $4.55 billion

•Estimated amount of money raised for funds dedicated to NYPD and FDNY families: $500 million

•Percentage of total charity money raised going to FDNY and NYPD families: 25

•Average benefit already received by each FDNY and NYPD widow: $1 million

•Percentage increase in law-school applications from 2001 to 2002: 17.9

•Percentage increase in Peace Corps applications from 2001 to 2002: 40

•Percentage increase in CIA applications from 2001 to 2002: 50

•Number of songs Clear Channel Radio considered "inappropriate" to play after 9/11: 150

•Number of mentions of 9/11 at the Oscars: 26

•Apartments in lower Manhattan eligible for asbestos cleanup: 30,000

•Number of apartments whose residents have requested cleanup and testing: 4,110

•Number of Americans who changed their 2001 holiday-travel plans from plane to train or car: 1.4 million

•Estimated number of New Yorkers suffering from post-traumatic-stress disorder as a result of 9/11: 422,000

Copyright © 2009, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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In all, $12 billion in cash, weighing 363 tonnes, was flown into Iraq. On
December 12, 2003, one single flight to Iraq contained $1.5 billion in cash, the largest single Federal Reserve payout in US history, according to Henry Waxman, the Democrat congressman who is investigated the funding.

The US has so far spent $226 billion on the Iraq war. The CPA was allocated $38 billion in US and Iraqi funds, and spent $19.7 billion of UN-administered Iraqi oil money.

9/11 09
Number of uninsured in USA 46.3 million
Isn't time we take care of ours?

You lie~!!!

Senator Joe Wilson of South Carolina boldly called President Obama on his health care comments. "You Lie!!!" he blurted out! Pelosi and Biden looked at him like he had just pulled a smoking gun on the President. I can barely sit through a speech to Congress with the grunts and groans, the standing o's, the lap signs, the stone faces, and the lack of partisan politeness. I know this is not 17th century France here, but these are men in suits acting like bullies to the pulpit. After all, Obama is the President, so let him have his moment to express his views. The camera will be on your face soon enough after Fox airs all the rebukes and rebuttals.

A lie is to state something that one knows to be false or that one has not reasonably ascertained to be true with the intention that it be taken for the truth by oneself or someone else. Maybe the President when addressing congress should be hooked up to a polygraph. Sort of like that Fox game show 'Moment of Truth'. We have the studio audience, a star, and a big national audience. Bells and whistles could sound out everytime a lie was detected. I always have regarded politicians as To tell the truth paneleists anyway...My name is....my name is....my name is...cause from one day to next you never know what you're going to get. Reminds me of a line in Forest Gump: "Oh, yes sir. Bit me right in the buttocks. They said it was a million dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars. "


So many lies. Bold faced, White, Contextual, Perjury, Fabrication.....
Lies are something everyone has done. People generally want words of appeasement Sometimes the truth of matters is far too hard to roll off our tongues.. We lie to kids early~! Tell them Santa and Rudolph will eat the cookies, babies come from storks, and it is Wheaties that makes that player hit the home runs.

Here are a few lies in pop culture~

Jim Carey in 'Liar Liar' not being able to lie for 24 hours (should try it sometime!)

Pinnochio and that nose...(our noses don't grow, but our eyes tell tales)

In 1985 Max Headroom commented you can always tell when a politician is lying...their lips move~~~!!! Now that is truthiness at best. In a chamber full of state heads, lies run rampent.

Shakira---"Hips Don't lie."


A Quick Quiz on Lies:

1.) The novel "The Liar" was whose first book? Adrian is the liar.

2.) In Liar Liar, Jim Carey's character says, 'How Could I Forget?' to Mrs. Cole and Kevin Falk outside the courtroom. He says that same line to Chase
Meridian played by Nicole Kidman in what film?

3.) Lies was the first song to feature solos from all four women in 1990 by what girl group?

4.) Who did the tune "I'd lie to you and thats the truth?"

5.) What 2008 spy film had the promo line: Trust No One. Decieve Everyone.

ANSWERS:

1.) STEPHEN FRY
2.) BATMAN FOREVER
3.) EN VOGUE
4.) MEATLOAF
5.) BODY OF LIES

ARE MY EMAILS TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING?

I was doing some spring email cleaning, when I noticed my demographic must be on the cusp of mid-life crisis #2, and hovering around toxic levels of my body in decline.

Here are my most recent emails:

Viagra or Cialis Free Trial!
Viagra Free!
Cialis Free!
Enlarge It (because bigger is better)
Hoveround (get your life back)
Anti- Aging Miracle (fountain of youth in a bottle)
Your old Ex wants to reunite~!
Know when your time is up with Death Clock


And...thank God I was recently sent a wink, a hug, a kiss, a tag, a nudge, a pet, and a martini, by people I don't even know on various social networking sites.
Keeps my chin up!!!


Here is a parody of Chubawamba's Tubthumping I wrote while digesting all this!

I get knocked down, but I get up again,
You're never goin' to keep me down,


Kissing the night away
Kissing the night away

He takes a viagra pill
He takes a cialis pill
He take a Sidenafil
He takes a tadalafil

He sings the songs that remind him
of the up times
He sings a song that reminds him of the down times.

or...how bout.......this (original poem of junk mail over-load)


52 junk mails, bought into them all....
Now I'm all better, never am dull~

Got me a Hoveround from the real Tom Kruse,
I still can walk, but what is there to lose?
I go to the mall and run over the walkers,
Never mind those mallrat dwellling gawkers....

I got me Cialis and a supply of Viagra,
Now I'm flowing like the falls of Niagara...

Bought me Enlarge pills and wrinkle cream,
Got me a timeshare (Boise), livin' the dream!

Got me a job...500 dollars a week!
I can stay at home-- maintaining physique!

Got Mother's Day Flowers for under 20 bucks,
Got there today, oh well, that really sucks....

Got a Citizen Grant, so I can take what's mine
Got an Obama plate, auto pen signed!

Got a discount on meds for all the depression,
And bought a foreclosed home, due to recesssion.

Bought some life insurance at premium rates,
Got plenty of Hyundai cash in rebates.

I lowered my blood sugar with one easy click....
Bought Rachel Ray cookware, (love that pick!)

Got some Hydroxycut, mis-took for cookies,
Got a pamphlet called 'Weight Loss for Rookies...'
Bought a Free Google Kit and an Ebay course,
If your life needs an upgrade, consider the source....

Check that junk mail, it's just what you need~
It's meant for your good, so next time..... do read~

CONCERT SCENES

CONCERTS I'VE SEEN.................(.OFF TOP OF MY HEAD...WILL ADD MORE AS THEY COME TO ME~ )

BLUES BROTHERS
JACKSON FIVE
BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS
SISTER SLEDGE
POINTER SISTERS
LIONEL RICHIE
GREG KIHN BAND
RICK SPRINGFIELD
THE CARS
WANG CHUNG
KOOL AND THE GANG
LOVERBOY
HARRY CHAPIN
BILLY JOEL
ELTON JOHN
BARRY MANILOW
J GEILS BAND
EDDIE MONEY
TODD RUNDGREN
SUGAR HILL GANG
JAMES TAYLOR
JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP
SAVAGE GARDEN
WEIRD AL
DONNY OSMOND
THREE DOG NIGHT
WAYNE NEWTON
TONY ORLANDO AND DAWN
MANHATTAN TRANSFER
OAK RIDGE BOYS
ROBERTA FLACK
HELEN REDDY
KC AND THE SUNSHINE BAND
ROB BASE AND EZ ROCK
TON LOC
BEACH BOYS
BLESSID UNION OF SOULS
DAVY JONES
GLADYS KNIGHT (MINUS PIPS)
THE BLUE NOTES
CHICAGO
HALL AND OATES
MEN AT WORK
BLUES TRAVELER
NO MERCY
LFO
GIN BLOSSOMS
EDWIN MCCAIN
TOWER OF POWER
MAYNARD FERGUSON
BACON BROTHERS
DON MCLEAN

WHO ARE THESE MASKED PEOPLE?

PIGGING OUT!!!!!!!




Swine flu is headlining across the globe. I attended a Lancaster Barnstormer's game Saturday and even saw fans wearing masks at the ole ballgame! Of course the catchers were wearing their masks, but it was a bit odd seeing fans dressed for surgery.








My tribute to the BEST OF THE MASKS! There is no disguising these Masked Ten!

1.) MASK A 1985 film that had Cher( pre-facelift), and Eric Stoltz, playing a Springsteen obsessed freaky faced dude with an elephant man like head. Rusty is a mother to Rocky.....(the real Rusty was killed in a motorcycle accident in 2006.) Rocky's older brother died of AIDS, talk about a a family with issues! I think Rocky is still around. Look for Estelle Getty!





2.) THE MASK Cameron Diaz' fisrt feature film starring Jim Carey~! Stanley's mask is a depiction of Loki, the Morse God of Darkness and mischief. The effects were so cool!
The Son of the Mask (Jim Carey-,ess) not so cool from 2005.




3.) THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK I recall watching the made for TV movie with my mom in 1979 starring Richard Chamberlain. DiCaprio plays King Louis/Phillipe in the ninth remake of the classic. FYI: Douglas Fairbanks was in teh first versim in 1929, and it was a silent film.








4.) MASK OF ZORRO I was a Zorro fan growng up~ 1998 films stars Antonio Banderas and Anthonmy Hopkins. Banderas was the first Spaniard to play the "masked man." the movie was shot in Mexico and Orlando. (pre-swine flu)




5.) BATMAN AND ROBIN'S MASK Batman had the big one, Robin the little one.


6.) JASON VORHEES MASK I actually met Kane Hodder, one of the actors who played Jason. He signed a hockey mask for me~





7.) LONE RANGER'S MASK Who is that masked man?










8.) DARTH VADER MASK Would have loved to have seen James Earl Jones revealing himself to Luke, "I am your Father."







9.) MICHAEL MYERS MASK William Shatner would have been scarier~!




10.) THE SCARY GUY MASK I wore during a band trip to Disney World! I wore it the whole time we were there.

OOPS THERE GOES ANOTHER LEGEND

High Hopes was Harry Kalas's theme song....about an old ant trying to pick up a rubber tree, and a ram trying to butt a a hole in in a dam. Harry died in a booth, getting ready for another day at the ballpark he never called a job. Just like ants move things, and rams ram things, Harry was made for the call.

“

65,000 plus on their feet here at Veteran's Stadium The Tugger needs one more...Swing and a miss! Yes, he struck him out! Yes, they did it! The Phillies are world champions! World champions of baseball! It's pandemonium at Veterans Stadium! All of the fans are on their feet. This city has come together behind a baseball team!...Phillies are world champions! This city knows it! This city loves it!

”

His golden voice was one I had listened to under the covers as a young boy many a night. West coast games, I could not stay up and watch. But mom said nothing about me listening on my dad's transistor. Before true clarity of the IPOd, there was the constant static of the transistor radio. Harry's voice rebounded off the AM towers from San Francisco to my bed, and I was fascinated. I had High Hopes someday I could be on the radio like Harry. When going to the Vet as a youngster, Ii spent as much time trying to get a glimpse of Harry and
"Whitey" Richie Ashburn in the broadcast booth, as I did watching the players on the turf.

Richie Ashburn passed away September 9th 1997, in NY, the latter part of the season. I was listening to the radio, as I was parking my car, ready to walk into my radio station.

Harry passed away in DC April `13th as the season was still a new one.

That day, the Philles, I knew somehow would never sound the same again. Just like the day the music died, that was the day the "voice" died.

My ode to Harry and Whitey~

One smoked cigars and one smoked a pipe,
One was low key, the other had hype.

One wore a golf cap, the other white shoes,
As they rooted their home team
never singing the blues.

One played the game, the other just dreamed,
In awe of each other, or so it sure seemed.

Working together, like an Abott and Costello,
"It's Outta Here!" Harry would bellow~!

Harry called every Michael Jack Home Run
548 as Richie colored each one~

For 27 years, two voices were heard...
I myself, missed hardly ever--- one word.

Sometimes a voice just lives eternal,
Harry and Whitey, were truly fraternal

Echoes of their voices will live deep down inside....
So Harry and Whitey... thanks for the ride!

Kalas made his final call on April 12, 2009during the Phillies game against the Colorado Rockies:

“

Bouncing ball to Chase Utley , this should be the game, Chase throws him out and that will be it as the Phils win 2 out of 3 here at Coors Field coming back to take this one by a score of 7 to 5.

”

I say..................................Harry Kalas YOU are THE MAN!!!!!

So any time your gettin low
stead of lettin go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant!


Rest in Peace Richie and Harry! We will never forget you!

WHACKY HEADLINES

Because of the economy, many females are being lured to fast cash in the stripper industry. As part of his stimulus plan , Barack Obama announced today that some rules will have to be put in place.

1.) A flat tax will be assessed on women who do not have minimum of 32 chest size.

2.) Waist size will be closely monitored to cut down on pork belly spending.

3.) Senior Citizens will be allowed to use their discount cards for 15% off any lap dance.



Henry Winkler has just been question about his alleged involvement in a 'Fonzie' sheme. He was quoted as saying, "Hey, Mr. C....."sorry I 'Made Off' with your hardware." Raplph Malph lost his whoopi cushions, Potsie lost his sweater and Joanie lost Chachi in the mayhem.

Michael Jackson tickets went on sale today. Michael announced because of the recent sale of most of his personal belongings, he will be forced to perform the show nude.
The tour will be called the Nevermind Tour.

Kevin Bacon announced today because of losing money in the Madoff money scam scheme, He will do Footloose 2, The Air Up There 2, Quicksilver 2, and He Said, She Said 2. Because of the surge of Bacon films, the game has announced plans to now become Two Degrees of Kevin Bacon.


Wal-Mart workers will receive 2 billion in bonus checks this year. On a related note, Wal Mart clothing Sweat shop workers in Bangladesh will get bonus increases from a dime an hour up to 15 cents. Also the smiley face guy will get a stimulus check for $1.85. His smile will increase to one centimeter wider in 2009.
iT'S GOOD TO BE WAL-MART~

Fidelity and Unicredit have put together a deal to purchase the fledgling AIG Insurance company from the US Government. The new company will be called FU AIG!

An A an I and a G trivia!

1.) What was the original name of the Pittsburgh Pirates at their original inception in 1887? (A)

2.) What kind of 'delicious' did ads describe Almond Joy and Mounds as? (I)

3.) Peter, Egon, Ray, and Winston, were better known as The_______________? (G)


1.) Allegheny's
2,) Indescribably
3.) Ghostbusters

Dancing With the Inmates

In celebration if Dancing With the Stars just kicking off a brand new season, I thought of a brand new competition for the off-season.....Dancing With the Inmates~


Here is the line -up I would like to see:

OJ Simspon with Cheryl Burke dancing the Jive.,

Michael Vick with Julianne Hough dancing with the Hokey in the Pokey.

Boy Geoge with Mark Ballas dancing the Lap Dance.

Charles Barkley with Kym Johnson dancing the Chest Bump

Madea with Karina Smirnoff dancing the Humpty Hump

Khloe Kardashian and Fabian Sanchez dancing the Pole.

Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer Still Kickin' it?

Orem, Utah recently featured two blends from the past, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer for a one night only event. No, not celebrity boxing~!
They actually did their 'thangs'~ With raps like Pumps and a Bump, Ninja Rap, and their A-list stuff, they were Too Legit to Quit easily bringing down the house in Orem. I have been Dj'ing for many years now, and somehow the cheesy flavors of those rhymes still have people mouthing the words, imitating the dance, and grinding on the floor. I am not amazed by it, actually. Some of those songs had good beats and were just plain fun. A Hammer and Ice esCapades Tour for '09? I don't think it is by no means imminent. But I'll bet it would sell! I would go see it! Wouldn't you?

Here are some other tickets I woulds go see!

Musical Youth and Sonic Youth in the "We're All Grown Tour"

Quiet Riot and Twisted Sister in the "Lost our Minds and then our Hair Tour"

AC/DC and INXS in the "Sorry Our Lead Singer Died Tour"

Milli Vinilli with with The Partridge Family & special guests Ashlee Simpson and Lin Miaoke in the "All-Star Lips Sync Tour"

Kajagoogoo with Wang Chung in the "Everybody Smoke Dope Tonight and Think of Weird Band Name Tour."

The Divinyls and MC Hammer in the "Do I Touch or Not Tour?"

Right Said Fred and Rod Stewart in the "I'm Too Sexy, No I Am Tour"

69 Boyz and Bow Wow Wow in the "Lets Me See Your Tootsie Roll Then Give Me Some Mo' Damn Candy Tour."

Taco and Falco in the "Amadeus Puts on the Ritz Tour"
(yes i know Falco is dead)

Meatloaf and Bread in the "Make Out in the Back Seat Tour"

Los del Rio and Marcia Griffiths in the "Electric Macarena Tour. "


Quick Ice/Hammer Quiz ---- Which one?

1.) Had first rap single to top Billboard Charts?
2.) Did more studio albums?
3.) On Surreal life?
4.) With Death Row Records at one time?
5.) Was in Borat film?

1.) Ice---Ice Ice Baby
2.) Hammer 11 to 7
3.) Both! Ha~
4.) Hammer
5.) Hammer


PEACE OUT!
Word to your mom!

The Day that Baseball Died

Got to thinking with Spring Training right around the corner, am I really going to be the fan I once was? After all, the Phillies won the series!
I watched them all on Comcast. What new admissions will come? What will kids really have to look up to? Where have you gone Joe diMaggio? Thank God he is dead. He would not have liked what has been brewing for years now coming to full boil.

I wrote a little parody of American Pie with baseball at the center....after all, we LOVE baseball, hots dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet, well, at least the pie and dogs still taste good!




A long long time ago
I can still remember
How baseball made me smile
And I knew if I had my way
I could play in the bigs someday....
And maybe would be happy for awhile

Bad news today makes me shiver
With every paper that's deliver....
Bad news in the game of baseball...
Another star takes the big fall

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about all they did hide
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Baseball lied.

So bye bye, its the American lie,
Drove my Hyundai on a Sunday
to the ballpark, oh why?
And big ole boys hittin' deep fly after fly
Sayin', this is what some money can buy
This is what my money can buy....?

Did Jose write the book of wrongs,
While Madonna was singin girly songs,
If the body tells you so....
Do you believe in DiMaggio,
Can past-times cleanse today's sorry soul
And can you teach me how to grow so slow?

Well, I know you saw his rookie card,
when his forearms weren't so very hard...
You know, he kicked off his career
Man, without any remorse or fear....!

I was a die hard teenage Phillies fan
With Bowa, Schmidt, and Yes We Can....
Didn't know a Rose had thorns...OH MAN!
The day that baseball lied.

I started singin....
My oh My, its the American lie...
Drove in ten runs with my guns,
I'm a really strong guy...
I'm a steroid boy, can hit em way bye bye,
Singin' pressure to perform is why
Pressure to perform is why.

Now for ten years we've been big and juiced,
Ruled the record books with a little boost....
(but that's not how it used to be)
When McGwire choked to congress and court
Disputed what was in that Mitchell report....
It was a voice that came from uncertainty...

And while the Commish was looking down,
A-Rod admitted word gets around....
The courtroom is all full now,
The Home Runs are all foul!

And while Jose wrote a Vindicated book,
He was finally left off the proverbial hook.
And players were all now in the dark
The day that baseball lied.

We were singin'
Why? Why? ...it's the American Lie....
Drove my Hyundai on a Sunday
To the ballpark, but cry.....
'Cause big ole boys will be reachin the sky,
But this'll be the day that I'll sigh.....
This'll be the day to ask.... why?

Oh, and there we'll be in one place
A generation, with a blown up face,
With no time left to turn back now
So Miguel be faster, Giambi be thick,
Sammy sure did swing a big corked stick..
'Cause HGH is the players only friend....

Oh, and as I watched from the jam packed stands
With hopeful, dreaming, die hard fans,
No Angels born in hell
Could break that Balco spell...

And as the balls flew out, into the night,
It seems baseball has lost its plight
I saw Conte laughing with delight
the Day that baseball lied.

I met a guy who told the truths
Said life's just a game of bad sad news,
And I just smiled, and turned away
And I walked down to Ashburn alley,
The Phillies were in a ninth big rally,
And I just began to pray.

And in the stands, the fans did cheer,
Booed sometimes, and drank some beer
But not a word was spoken
About baseball being broken....
And the three men I trusted most....
Have faded away like a tainted ghost
No longer numbers to boast....
The day that baseball lied.

They were singin'.....
My, My its the American Lie,
Hit the ball out of the park,
I'm your hero, your guy....
We're big ole boys,
We're what money can buy,
Singin.....
when will come the day when games die?

Predictions for 2009!!!!!!

I had a dream!!!!!!! (well, sort of a dream)



Here are MY predictions for 2009 and (beyond).......



TO's new reality show will fall in ratings when Tony Romo inks a contract to star in a series opposite TO. With Jessica Simpson as co-star, the series will features the Cowboys going 0-16 with Simpson in the booth and Jones on the sidelines. TO demands to be traded, and is thrown to the Lions. TO commits suicide in week one.



OJ will find Jesus in Jail, and will pen a new book, OK, I Did It!!!!!
(Now Can I Just Have My Stuff Back???)



Oprah will lose an incredible 75 pounds on a new Dr. Oz diet.....
Called the 'Munchkin diet'.....she will eat nothing but those little donut holes for a year. I do see her getting a yeast infection though, as she will be briefly hospitalized. Shortly after, with a glazed look, she will tell her audience that she is leaving Stedman for Dr. Oz. Oz will publish a best seller called "How Oz Gave Oprah her first real 'O.'"

Dr. Drew will find himself in Celebrity Rehab after he comes clean admitting a two year love affair with Adam Carolla, and a one night stand he had with Dr. Ruth on her 80th birthday.



Rush Limbaugh will convert to liberalism, open his fridge, and feed the world. Finally, no Bush, no Rush, as the world has a Hush fall upon it.



Katie Couric will go back to the Today Show and put cute back on her resume.

A legless woman will appear on The View as an advocate for woman who step on each others toes unmercifully.

The Dali Lama will pass away. Calling it his Final Analysis, Richard Gere will become his replacement. However the stay in exile will be short lived when he is photographed kissing and dipping Lucy Liu in his Buddha bungalow.

A cure for Mad Cow Disease will be found~! Doctors claim that by drinking brown cow milk, the disease disappears. Unfortunately, it causes a side effect called happy horse s**t syndrome.

The Dow-Jones hits a new LOW~ In a daring move, execs at NBC
bring back Tony Dow (Beaver's Brother) and Shirley Jones (Partridge)to star in a new reality series. Its called 'Leave It to a Partridge' and a Beaver. In episode one, Danny wants Beav to do meth and go cruising for men in drag. Beav opts for a soda. Danny is a jerk. Ward points the finger at Danny. Danny gives the finger two Ward. June makes dinner. All is better.

President Obama will have Guantaamno Bay terrorists coming into American prisons. However, he will send: OJ Simpson, Bernard Madoff, Michael Vick, Ted Haggard, the guy who said he killed JonBenet, Rush Limbaugh, and Screech, all there for some old fashioned toe nail pulling, chalkboard screeching and Barry Manilow listening.

In a tough economy, Paris Hilton will file for bankruptcy. To makes ends meet she will release a new fragrance called "Simply Broke"....
with perfume proceeds benefiting Paris's pradas, purses, pedicures, and pink particulars.

Rod Blagojevich will announce despite his impeachment, he will seek a 2012 run for President with Sen. John Kerry as his running mate.
They will both run under strict Big Hair Reform policies stating: the Dry Look is back. Rod will use in his Victory speech, "Forget the days of Play to Pay.... its now, A Pair for Hair!!!

More predictions later ya'll!!!!

What is up With Chuck E. Cheese? Geeeeez!!!!

What is up with Chuck E. Cheese? Once a family friendly place with a keyboard playing gorilla, whack a mole game, and pizza birthday parties for kids, is now a haven for all out brawls ands bloodbaths. At my local Chuck E. Cheese, at least one man was left bloody after a recent fight.

"The adults were holding their kids and it was terrible!" Karen Rineer said just after the fight.Rineer and her daughter, Nicole, 15, were leaving a birthday party for Rineer's younger daughter when the brawl began."We were standing there and machines almost got knocked over," said Nicole. "The one waitress, she went in and said three guys were coming at her."Rineer said she knew of at least two men involved. "One is all bloody; he's in the bathroom," she said at the scene. "The other guy that got cut is upstairs with the cop."A woman who answered the phone at the Fruitville Pike location and identified herself as a manager said, "Chuck E. Cheese is proud to offer a safe and fun family experience to many people in this area."



Police were called to the Fruitville Pike restaurant at least seven times last year for incidents ranging from fights to a possible attempted abduction, according to newspaper reports.Earlier this month, six people were arrested after a fight at Chuck E. Cheese in Susquehanna Township, near Harrisburg, the Patriot-News reported.The Wall Street Journal recently reported that similar scenes have been unfolding at the chain around the country.



Chuck E. Cheese maybe should go from G or PG to NC-17 or R.



I wrote a little rap, (maybe rapped by Chuck EZ Biggier Cheez)

Down with the dough,
on with the show....
Win a token, lets go blow to blow....
Blow out the candles on your pie....
Better be careful, get a black eye....


Whacked a mole, in the arcade,
Don't be scared, don't be afraid.....
Chuck E. Cheese is the new turf war,
Mr. Munch is my homey on floor.



Don't need no scratch ... just exonumia...
So come on in ...I'll see you soon-ia....
Shut your pie-hole and watch your back...
Chuck E Cheeze is under attack~!




IS CHUCK E. CHEESE SAFE FOR KIDS ANYMORE?????


TRIVIA FUN FACT: The current voice over guy who plays Chuck E. Cheese is Duncan Brannan, also the voice of "I love you, you love me....Barney.

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Check here for lots of trivial tidbits, facts, fun, and frivolity from the lighter side of life! I look forward to sharing thought and opinion with all of you!